Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

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    Cherubino
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    Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Cherubino on Mon Sep 28, 2009 3:43 pm

    It started with violins. Then came oboes and clarinets and in a few days the remaining strings. Although a professional musician and singer-songwriter most of my life, I was untrained in music and had never been exposed to classical music. I grew up with jazz, the Beatles, and church hymns. What lately resounded in my head day and night was new, exciting and even frightening.

    A student of metaphysics and the world of spirit since high school, I was a believer in reincarnation and a great fan of Ruth Montgomery's books, especially after two near-death experiences. I had even been regressed by Major Knight, the man Mrs. Montgomery used for her research, and had logged many out-of-body journeys.

    I can't say exactly what happened to me on Christmas Eve of 1983, but something did. For years I thought that I was a walk-in, but over time I began counting up far too many connecting threads between my notable past life and this one. After the household was asleep that December 24th, I sat down at my piano with some blank manuscript. I had been working on an album that fused Celtic music with New Age and that of the Early Music period and the sounds in my head were making both my waking and sleeping hours impossible to bear. Instruments I didn't even have names for played relentlessly on and I thought that if I tried to write some of it down I could release the energy and get some rest. I didn't know how to write music notation, but I could read music enough to chicken scratch it in the most elementary form. As I've always done when I write music, I slipped into that trance state that makes hours feel like minutes.

    When I opened my eyes several hours later, still seated at the piano, I saw before me 10 pages of finished manuscript; a fully scored piece of music written in perfect score order in a neat, tight, concise hand. I was monumentally tired, yet filled with a buzzing energy I'd never felt. I decided that I would teach myself formal composition.

    A few days later, while having a beer and jamming with the guitarist of a band I'd had for a while, I told him about my experience. He had a degree in music and asked if he could look at my score. Of course, I brought it out and showed it to him.

    "Have you seen Amadeus?" he asked.

    "No, why?"

    "You need to see it. It's playing at the Ventura Theater--let's go!"

    "Nah, I don't care about some old fart in a white wig," I whined.

    "Come on. I'll buy us a beer at the bar across the street while we wait. We can shoot some pool."

    I gave in, but only because the beer and pool sounded good.

    In the theater, we sat in the balcony. There were only a few people at that late afternoon showing and we had the balcony to ourselves. At first, I thought the movie was fun, but far too long and the opera scenes bored me, but when the scene of Mozart composing in his bed came on, I turned white as a sheet and slithered down in my seat into a near faint. My friend lifted me up, making sure I was okay.

    "That's my music!" I whispered to him. Sure enough, the Confutatis/voca mei was exactly like the music I'd composed on Christmas Eve, except for the dotted rhythms. Even the key was the same.

    "I knew you had to see this," he replied.

    That was many years and many regressions ago. My method of "proving" this past life has always been to try to prove it false. A sort of apologetics debate with myself. Still, I cannot deny that that life is as fresh to me as this one, and the childhood is even more so; I remember my childhood in the 18th century more than I do this one.

    I cannot tell you how many people have recognized me. From psychics to past life friends and acquaintances, people simply know who I am. No one has to tell them. During my first visit to Vienna in 1994, an Hungarian woman came up to me on the street, patted both my cheeks and cried, "Mozart! Mozart!" In Salzburg in 2005, an old woman embraced me wildly and thanked me through her tears for the music that made the pain of her cancer easier to bear. These are only two. Of course, all of this is very humbling and I haven't yet learned how to receive these extremely emotional reactions. My usual response is a quiet thank you and then I disappear.

    In 2005 the Academy Award winning filmmakers at Rhombus Media (The Red Violin, Beethoven's Hair, Inside Hanna's Suitcase, and 32 Short Films on Glenn Gould) created Mozartballs, in which "Susanna" and I are featured. It was a highlight for me personally, but more importantly, it was a vision quest of sorts for the two of us, a time during which many memories and resolutions were brought forward.

    Many of my old friends and family have returned and I am enjoying a happier life than that one was. Am I here to continue the music? Only for my own enjoyment. I had my turn and I worked hard, now I can relax where that's concerned. I'm here, now, to tell the story. I've written a book, Night Music: The Memoirs of Wolfgang Amadè Mozart, that can be read free of charge online. You will find the link in the sidebar of the NPL weblog.

    I wasn't going to tell my story here, but there it is!
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    peter
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Oct 04, 2009 11:27 am

    Do you by chance have a few hundred copies stashed somewhere? I'd love to see it but it's 52$ on Amazon. I'll have to try to find it at a library.

    BTW, you certainly resemble him...

    Peter
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    Susanna
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Susanna on Sun Oct 04, 2009 11:50 am

    $52???!!!!!!! You're kidding me! It's probably due to the fact that it is out of print because Rhombus media is trying to buy it back from Decca. Once they get it back I'm sure it will be available at a more reasonable price.

    I'm sorry to say that we don't have any extras. We were given several when the film first came out, but we've given all of our extra copies away now. Sad
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    peter
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:23 pm

    two little words... "boot leg" LOL
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    a question...

    Post  peter on Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:19 pm

    Tell me if you can find the time, (I have this unaccountable impression that you are quite busy for some reason), why do you think that you remembered your life as Mozart? I'm curious about why some people seem to be inundated with memories while most everybody else has so little access that they don't even realize they're reincarnated at all.
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Cherubino on Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:31 pm

    There's a whole lot of unfinished business that I'm taking care of. Relationships, mostly, and deep introspection. The couple of lives that I've had since then were short and accomplished nothing, one on purpose (I wanted to come back and "play" because my life as Mozart had been so full of hard work). The other ended when I was only a child. Not a lot of issues or memories stand between me now and my 18th century life. This time, I buckled down to the hard work of facing myself; it was overdue. I think, too, that my memories are so fresh because I've been delving into my past lives since I was about 16; a lot of regressions, meditation, etc.

    I always tell people not to look into their past lives unless they're prepared to make it their primary focus; it's not something one can do in half-measures, or as a lark, because the purpose of remembering is not to stroke the ego or validate one's flagging self-esteem. It's the evolution of the soul we're dealing with, not past glory--the more we focus on that, the longer it's going to take to grow. We remember so that we can work on our weaknesses, not gloat about our successes. This is especially true when dealing with a notable past life.
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Nov 08, 2009 3:00 pm

    Thanks. You sound wise to me. So many of the folks I've run across who are into this stuff seem a little off the deep end. You're reticience about self disclosing makes me think you've run across some of the same kinds of people.

    I suspect an interest in such an obscure subject may be connected to being introduced to it in former lives. I think that I've also been a Buddist monk and I think I was familiar with Tibetans in my Chinese lifetime, if not actually from Tibet. When I remembered being in China, I kept seeing myself standing beside what I thought was a sort of pagoda. But the proportions were odd, it seemed too heavy for some reason. Some time later, I was looking at pictures of Tibet and I realized my "pagoda" was more like a Tibetan building. When I recalled my life as a Franciscan monk, I saw myself being taken in a wagon to a large building that I realize also resembles the Potala Palace.

    After I got over the inital excitement of the experience of regressing, I half-way decided to just leave what I'd recalled at that. But there are mysteries in what I remembered and so now I'm back on the trail...


    Last edited by peter on Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Cherubino on Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:13 pm

    Fascinating! I've been drawn by Tibet, but I don't have any memories of having lived there. But then, if the Hindus and Buddhists are correct, we live thousands of lives. Couldn't possibly remember all of them!
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:33 pm

    I always found Tibet fascinating myself. Now that I'm more familiar with it, I'm not exactly impressed. The place isn't much of an advertisement for the benefits of believing in reincarnation. Bram Stoker said that we have a human tendency to overglamorize that which we know little or nothing about. He sure has a point here, because I'm quite capable of doing just that. I found Hinduism and Buddism both ultimately disappointing. There is a lot of interesting and wise stuff in both religions but I've never encountered much of anything informationally that I didn't find somewhere in Western religion and culture as well.

    Well, maybe one thing: Parmahansa Yogananda wrote that the Hindus described the universe as an arrangement of light particles millenia ago. That totally impressed me when I read it. Shocked
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Lulu on Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:06 pm

    I've always been drawn to Tibet, as well as Buddhism in general and Hinduism too. I was struck by the Hindu idea of the cosmos as expanding and contracting and then beginning again over and over, much like the current theory of the expanding and contracting universe held by many physicists. Woah! Have any of you read "The Tao of Physics"? Pretty great reading. There are some points to Tibetan reincarnation theories that I find strange such as the idea that you are reborn the second after you die. Personally, I think a little rest is required between lifetimes for optimal efficiency. I think there may be a lifetime just before my current one where pretty much everything went wrong and so I reincarnated into this life very quickly, but I'm not sure it was the best idea. Leads to lots of napping.

    You have a good point, Cherubino, that delving into your past lives can become your primary focus. I was pretty half ass about it for many years and it only made me confused. When I focused on it as a serious possibility then a lot of questions cleared up, but there are still a lot more questions than answers. I try not to dwell on my past life memories, but sometimes I just can't help it. They're always there just as another part of me, but a part of me that other people find strange and possibly unwholesome. Still, we remember certain lives over others for a reason, so I guess we should run with it when that happens.
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Wed Nov 11, 2009 1:04 am

    "unwholesome" That's well put Lulu. I get the strangest vibe if I rattle on about stuff like this to some people. I strive to keep it completely to myself unless I'm sure somebody can appreciate it. I keep wondering if it's taboo or something. I have also noticed that the more time I spend on this subject, the more otherworldly I get. Most people seem to spend their lives totally preoccupied with the most mundane everyday stuff...

    It worries me a little that so many insane people talk about reincarnation. Worse, they invariably believe they were famous people. When I was a kid, it was Napoleon. But they believe they're Jesus, Mary, or Hitler and so on. Napoleon believed he was the reincarnation of Charlemagne. Henry Clay's son Teddy was labeled "schizophrenic" and spent most of his adult life in the local asylum here in Lexington. Recently, I was reading articles about it for a presentation and learned he believed he was the reincarnation of George Washington. I wish I could find a picture of him! Maybe like that Biblical master, he returned home and the servants knew him not... talk about a tragedy.

    I'm wondering Cherubino, did you and Susanna arrive at the same conclusion about your past lives before or after you met? Your romance is such an awesome (and original) story. Cool It's totally romantic (at least to me).

    Peter
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Dec 27, 2009 12:01 am

    Rereading the above I think I must sound incredibly grim and morbid. Well I'm not really and I apologize for sounding that way. While I am a little skeptical of a lot of New Age optimism about spiritual subjects in general and reincarnation specifically, I am not at all dogmatic and I would be quite pleased to be proven completely wrong. :-)


    Last edited by peter on Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:58 pm; edited 2 times in total
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Cherubino on Sun Dec 27, 2009 6:02 pm

    I began having memories of that life (18th century) in 1984, but I remembered that there was a woman I had to find. I saw a painting of Nancy Storace in one of my Mozart books, and from that second, I knew that she was the one; I had no idea who Nancy was at that time, however. Further study taught me about her, but she was nowhere in my immediate circle. I looked for her for many years--we didn't meet until 1999, and I knew she was Nancy. I just didn't tell her that because she wasn't a full believer in reincarnation and I don't believe in putting ideas into people's minds concerning their past lives. What a karma that would have been if I'd been wrong!

    She'll have to tell you her side of this. Susanna???
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Susanna on Sun Dec 27, 2009 7:12 pm

    Peter,

    If you will go here: http://notablepastlives.forumotion.com/meet-the-mods-f9/a-little-background-music-t2.htm this will give the background to my awakening of my past life as Nancy Storace.

    I have a story of when I was a small child of two or three. My mother had sat me in front of the stereo record player with my pillow and blanket to listen to some music before bed - something that she often did to settle me into sleep. This particular evening she put on a Mozart piano concerto and as I laid on the floor and listened, I began to cry. When Mother walked in and found me crying she asked, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

    I sat up and pointed in the direction of the stereo and replied, "I haf to find him!"

    "Find who," she questioned, "Mozart?"

    I nodded my head. "Yeah, I haf to find that Mozzart man!"

    As a teenager and a young woman I remember being very picky about the boys I dated. I seemed to be looking for particular things - a musician, someone very intelligent and creative, someone who loved the theater as I did, but it was difficult finding guys with those passions, especially in the conservative area in which I grew up.

    When I entered college as a voice major, I developed a real passion for Mozart's music (I had always been drawn to it before but had never had the opportunity to really study or perform it). I instantly took to the Mozart soubrette roles - those of Susanna, Zerlina, and Despina and devoured them. When I was assigned Susanna's aria "Deh vieni non tardar" from Le Nozze di Figaro, I had it learned and memorized in less than a week and when I returned to my voice lesson the following week, my voice professor was astounded. When I sang it a few weeks later at the regional NATS competitions, one of my judges commented that I sang the aria as if Mozart had composed it for me.

    While in college I was every bit as picky and particular about the guys I dated. There was one in particular, a young man who was crazy about me and who was a theater major, and although we were very dear friends, and I loved him dearly, I never felt for him as he did me. (Years later I was brought to the realization that he had been the celebrated baritone, Francesco Benucci, the original Figaro and my colleague and for a short time, my lover.) One afternoon, when I was feeling particularly melancholy and lonely, I ran into a field which was next to my on-campus apartment building. I stood in the middle of the field and looked up into the sky and began to cry. I cried out, "I know you're here but where are you? I keep looking for you, but I can't find you!" I had no idea who I was crying out for, only a deep sense that there was someone searching for me as desperately as I was for them.

    It was years later, after I got my first computer in 1997 that I began what I can only describe as an impassioned and desperate search for "Mozart". I read everything I could read about him on line. I combed Mozart websites for information about his music, his life, his family, his contemporaries, etc. and still I found myself wanting for more. I checked out books at the library, watched "Amadeus" over and over, and literally launched into what could only be described as an obsession.

    I'm leaving out so many important details, but there are just too many to go into it all here. I've had numerous people tell me that I should write Steph's and my story as the sequel to "So Faithful a Heart", a happy ending to Mozart and Nancy's tragic love story, if you will. I am seriously toying with the idea. Anyway, to make a long story short, I met "Mozart" (Steph) on line through "Mozart's Own Website" and my search for Mozart ended there. I found him and I knew it, but I wasn't sure exactly what all the implications of that were and why exactly I had been so desperate to find him. In the early weeks of our friendship the pieces of the puzzle began to fall together, and I started to learn who I was in the Mozart story. Again, a subject for my next novel.
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:19 pm

    I'm not going to gush, but like I said... that is a lovely story.

    Coincidentally enough, when I was much younger, I was very inspired by Mozart's prodigy because I thought I understood how it was done. I grew up in a generally understimulating situation and despaired of amounting to anything. I longed for the type of mentor his father was to him because I wanted to be sure and accomplish something. Guess you might say he was a role model of mine... despite having never heard his music. I didn't hear classical music until I was in college and never heard much Mozart until I was in my thirties (the friends who introduced me to classical music were all mad for Beethoven and Bernstein. My dear partner was a college-educated musician. About half way through our time together, he developed a passion for Mozart and played his music regularly. Of course, I found it delightful. I realize now, my partner was that mentor I longed for as a boy. He was 28 years older than me and over the twenty years we were together coached me into the functional life I now enjoy.
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Cherubino on Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:29 pm

    Oh, Peter, you can gush. We've been together for 10 years and we still do.

    Being partnered with your mentor must have been both exhilarating and tiring. I had a mentor and I couldn't imagine being that close to him 24/7/ Being next to the fire, so to speak, on a daily basis would have fried me to a crisp!
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  Cherubino on Sun Dec 27, 2009 9:35 pm

    (Not that I wouldn't have sizzled away in musical bliss!)
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    Re: Who Is This Annoying Little Man, Anyway?

    Post  peter on Sun Dec 27, 2009 10:25 pm

    By the time I met him (I was 28) I had abandoned the Mozart strategy because it just wasn't happening. I had already moved on to plans "B" and "C" which didn't require outside assistance. Nevertheless, he mentored me in ways that I had no way of anticipating. I ended up with a Master's Degree in library science because he wanted one and we went to school together. Our relationship was more equal because at 30, there were things he learned from me as well. I actually ended up being more of the parent in our relationship. He just wasn't able to deal with being gay on his own and I was able to help him deal with it gracefully because I was so much less worried about it myself.

    He WAS a bit in the same vein as Mozart's father though... he was the director of an Appalachian settlement school and taught his children to play instruments because (according to his oldest son) "we couldn't pick up any tv stations." He did such a great job, their band got sort of famous around here and toured all over the world playing alone and with symphony orchestras. 4 out of 5 of them are professionally involved in being musicians. The two boys teach music in college and the two girls play (a lot) in their spare time.

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